To fully explain how I came to discover the esoteric path would require me to write what amounts to an autobiography here, for that is very much the story of my whole life thus far; however, for everyone's sake, I will refrain from divulging my personal history here, fascinating as it may in fact be. What I will do is introduce myself, in a sense, and explain how I happened upon esoterics - or, more precisely, Pythagorean Hylozoics. It is a funny story, actually.

First and foremost, let me introduce myself - in a sense, of course. You may call me Fr. E.S.Q.S. or Frater E.S.Q.S. (E.S.Q.S. = Ego Sum Qui Sum). This is a name that I have been using online for quite some time now and I very much intend to keep using it. Perhaps you were expecting me to share my real name here as many people have done. As much as I would like to be open and honest with all of you on that point, I have learned - by hard experience - that it is not always wise to connect your real name with fields that the majority consider to be ludicrous. Better to operate under a nom-de-plume than to have your whole life torn apart because some one has discovered your special interests. For those of you who would now rush out to google "Fr. E.S.Q.S." or "Frater E.S.Q.S.", I implore you: don't bother. You will find nothing, if anything at all, of significance. This is not because I have done nothing with the name, but - rather - because most of the things that I have done have been intentionally removed by those who no longer like me. Hopefully, the same will not happen with the people here. I trust that, in definitely studying esoterics, they will exhibit a bit more sense.

That said, how I happened upon esoterics - or, more precisely, Pythagorean Hylozoics. One fine summer day, smack-dab in the middle of a lazy afternoon, I sat down at my desk and decided on a whim to look up the word "esoteric". At that moment, for some inexplicable reason, I had decided that I wanted to be clear on what the term "esoteric" meant. I had seen it used in occult literature before, but found that I was not altogether clear as per what the difference was between the term "occult" and "esoteric". Occult writers used the terms interchangeably, though I suspected that the terms were not interchangeable. After all, what is the point in having two words that mean the same thing? In looking up the word "esoteric", I stumbled upon the definition in the basic esoteric dictionary - and I knew, right then, that I had discovered something worthwhile. This was a definition unlike any other and exhibited a real knowledge of the matter. After reading the definitions of "esoteric" and "occult", I began to peruse the basic esoteric dictionary and read about whatever words or terms were of interest to me. I made a note of the website and returned to it on occasion after that point.

Soon enough, I discovered that the basic esoteric dictionary website was connected with the Laurency website, which lead to my discovering the works of Henry T. Laurency. At first, I must admit that I was wary of the material, in much the same way that a child dips a toe into the pool to test the temperature of the water. I, in a sense, dipped my mind into the material to test whether or not it seemed sensible. In the first case, I mostly skimmed through the sections of the various papers, looking for key ideas - ones that I had come to recognize in the past as representing the highest and most sensible things. Needless to say, perhaps, but I found them. After I had found these key ideas, I was fairly sure that it would be a profitable thing to study the material. The more I studied the material, the more sure I was that I had found what I had always been looking for. Every year or so since then, almost like clockwork, I have experienced a sort of gradual unfolding or expanding understanding of such matters. It usually hits me in mid August, for some inexplicable reason - a sort of rapid re-acquisition of understanding or synthesizing of the material studied during the year. I have been studying the material ever since. It has been roughly 8-10 years since then and I am still studying the material. There is so much to learn. It is clear to me that this is just the beginning of a very long journey of discovery on the esoteric path.

I will leave it at that for the time being. I would be more than happy to answer any questions that you might have.

Thanks for your time,


Fr. E.S.Q.S.


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Mar 02, 2015
Personal thanks
by: JR

Thanks Fr. E.S.Q.S.
In addition to our notification of the acceptance of your contribution, I also wanted to thank you personally for your comments on how you came to discover the distinction between esoteric and occult. It is an important distinction that is easily misunderstood and/or misinterpreted by many seekers on the path.
I’m also guessing that you are aware of our minicourse. If not, I would like to encourage you to look it over.
Thanks again for your submission, it is well written and very close to the kind of personal account we are hoping seekers will submit.

Most kind regards,

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